This morning the girls and I had breakfast and then headed out the door before eight to get a smog check for the van. When we arrived at the shop, Hannah settled into a spot where she could watch all of the numbers on the computer as our van wheels spun around. Hailey stayed glued to my hip, still snuggly in her pink kitty cat jammies. As I walked her around the lobby I noticed that Michelle Obama was gracing the cover of Newsweek. The title read, “Feed Your Kids Well.” Interesting, I took note.
It didn’t take long for the men at the shop to notice my six year-old’s enthusiasm for the numbers on their machines. They thought this was pretty great (which so do I on most days). A few minutes into the test, a very overweight man who I’m guessing was the owner came around from the garage carrying two light pink Otter Pops in his greasy hands. With a huge smile he motioned for Hannah to come over. He asked her if she was behaving as well as it seemed like she was through the glass. She blushed and said that she was. He then stuck out his hand offering her a frozen treat. She gave me a somewhat sheepish glance and then turned back to the man and said, “no thank you.”
Mr. Smog then turned straight to me and started in, “Oh, come on Mom. Can’t she just have a little treat? She’s being so good. I already cut them open.” I kindly thanked him for his thoughtfulness and then proceeded to tell him that we were indeed going to pass. He then turned toward Hailey and began to offer my 9 month old the plastic encased frozen liquid otherwise known as a treat. I again, thanked him but let him know that she would not be consuming this snack at nine months of age…at 8 o’clock in the morning. Looking somewhat disgusted he corrected me that my nine month old could in fact enjoy such a treat if only her mom would let her. I smiled (and bit my tongue). Dejected, he took his frozen iridescent sticks back to the freezer.
On our way out, this same guy just couldn’t let it rest. He approached Hannah again and said, “Honey, how about I give you a bag of microwave popcorn to go?” Really? Trying hard not to be rude at this point I stepped forward and explained that Hannah has a dairy allergy and while it was a thoughtful gesture, we were going to pass on all food items being offered today. Instead of leaving well enough alone, he then went on to remind me very loudly that Otter Pops do not have dairy in them. I firmly countered that in our house, we don’t eat Otter Pops at eight o’clock in the morning. I then walked the girls to the car.
I really don’t want this to be a blog post about a rude overweight owner of a smog shop or about the nutritional value (or lack there of) of Otter Pops. It’s just that this interaction struck me on several levels.
First, I can’t tell you how tired I am of my children being offered junk at countless venues for simply behaving as they should. It strikes me that these merchants are slowly and collectively turning our children into Pavlovian dogs who anticipate treats at every turn. If our morning were to say involve grocery shopping, a stop at the Post Office followed by a pick up at the cleaners, Hannah would predictably walk away with one organic sucker, one Dumb Dumb and one pineapple candy with a soft center (that is, if I let her partake at every stop).
I find myself having to remind Hannah often these days (because of the incessant offerings) that we don’t behave because we want to get a treat, but rather that we behave because that’s what children (and adults) ought to do every day. When we got into the van today, Hannah asked me if she was right in the way she’d answered the man’s question about her good behavior. I assured her that she was in fact correct in her assessment. I went on to say that while it was nice of the man to offer her a treat, an Otter Pop at eight in the morning would have left her feeling pretty crummy (which is true). She seemed to understand. We then went on to laugh just a bit about the notion of Hailey hypothetically accepting the Otter Pop and then single-handidly consuming it while buckled in her carseat on the drive home. It lightened the mood.
I know that most vendors offer such niceties because they love to see the expression of joy brought to the faces of children. I’m also smart enough to understand that these sugar laced treats often provide the merchant and parent the necessary time and space to conduct the business that needs to take place while the child is off enjoying their loot. Still, I’m left to wonder what sort of implications this sort of bartering will ultimately bring about. The health implications seem obvious (Michelle Obama’s recent Newsweek article spells this out in simple terms). Perhaps even more worrisome however, are the subtle additives of entitlement and reward-based behavior that are reinforced with each lick of lollypop.
So what’s a mom to do? Put simply, I’m still working this one through. At times, the decision is clear (Otter Pops + Greasy Hands + 8 a.m. = no-brainer). At other times, the gestures feel more reasonable and fun (the rare trip to the Post Office where Hannah greets Mr. Max and is then offerred a Dumb Dumb and some coloring pages). I can deal with that. What follows are a few thoughts on parenting, food and more. I’d love to hear others from you.
1. Understanding that often we’ll run into situations where the outside world is offering something that we’re not going to allow our children to accept or participate in, we often find ourselves beginning explanations to our kids or others with “In our house we…” The phrase allows the inconsistency to exist while maintaining an internal Stone standard that works for us.
2. Dessert is the exception rather than an ongoing occurrance in our house. That’s the way it worked in my house growing up and that has served me well in life. The rule in our house is as follows: desserts are available on Friday and Saturday evenings and on special occassions (this last clause allows for the exceptions that life brings).
3. Because dessert is an exception, we enjoy really nice desserts when we have them. Last week we sat down to homemade Apple Strudel (it was Vegan and delicious) and a few weeks back we baked and decorated some really great shortbread cookies. That, in my mind, is a treat. It’s set apart and enjoyed together.
4. I’ve come to accept that by choosing to eat a healthy diet and strongly encouraging our children to do the same that we’re setting ourselves up to be viewed as different and even a bit uptight. As an adult, I could frankly care less. For our girls, however, this difference can feel more pronounced. There’s been more than one occassion when Hannah has been teased at school for bringing snacks that other kids weren’t familiar with (things like tofu). While such episodes will never drive me to send her off to Kindergarten with Ding Dongs tucked in her cooler, I do work to find foods that she feels both confident and excited about.
5. The patterns we set for our kids now will contiue on into adulthood. I’m so grateful for the model my mom provided for me in the area of nutrition. My brother and I were encouraged to be involved in meal planning and learned what a proper meal consisted of. We were also the kids who weren’t allowed to have Coke, potato chips, packaged cookies or sugar cereal. It wasn’t until high school summer camp that I realized just how deprived I’d been. Suddenly I had access to every single sugar cereal imaginable for a solid week! I actually called my mom from camp to tell just how much I’d missed out on for the first 16 years of life. When I arrived home, this wise woman humored me in my new found freedom and offerred to buy my whatever cereal I wanted. I made my way through about half a box of Peanut Butter Captain Crucnch before I began longing to return to my former, less-refined (sugar-wise) ways.
I suppose that’s the direction that we’re heading too. And in today’s terms, that can be a tricky road to travel. For our family (you see, there’s that phrase) we’re trying to celebrate the blessing of food and to steward it in a way that honors the bodies we’ve been given. Food is both necessary and pleasurable. Yet so many of today’s treats are handed out in random venues (i.e. smog shops) and for reasons that don’t always match our own standards. This is not meant to be a judgement, but rather a course our family is choosing. When a third of today’s children are overweight or obese and kids’ mental and emotional health has never been worse off, drastic measures seem appropriate and necessary. One can only hope that small individual household decisions will begin to rub off on the collective whole.
…all this from a simple trip to the Smog Shop!
Read Full Post »
Thoughts Interrupted 
